Winding

There’s a lot going on around Chicago – or at least my corner of it.

We finally settled into a schedule of medications and treatments for Kokoro’s degenerative arthritis- twice a day cosequin, aspirin every three days, soft food in the morning, kibble at night – when he showed a sudden an upsetting reaction to the aspirin. So now, he’s off of the aspirin, on prescribed food, and I’m feeling frazzled. But, he’s on the mend.

But my first baby, my Rigor, is not. He’s dying.

My poor, poor kitty.

We’re leaving for Indiana tomorrow morning so I can see him, visit with him, maybe say goodbye. He has been such a good friend to me.

Leaving him with mom was one of the hardest things I’ve done, but I couldn’t take him from his stable home, and throw him in our little apartment, leaving him alone all day. I knew his health wouldn’t hold up well without the constant attention and contact my mom can give him. He’s always been a special needs cat, and a precious little soul. And now he’s slipping away. This part of pet ownership is the worst.


Work is tense. First, the Supreme Court’s decision on the RICO law; now the Senate passes a (so-called) Partial Birth Abortion Ban. They’ve done this before, but we had Clinton to veto. Now, it’s a matter of weeks before abortion rights are restricted in this country. Roe v. Wade is going. It’s a matter of time.
And, we’re going to war. Oh, this president. It’s going to take the US a long, long time to recover from what he is doing to us.


I’m also struggling with the dissolution of a friendship. It was sudden, and cruel, and I had little to do with it. The worst part is the confusion of being one step behind, watching doors slam, and little knowing why. Maybe I don’t always say the right thing, maybe I can act like a jerk sometimes – but I never act maliciously. I never set out to hurt someone. I try to communicate. And I tried here. I really thought I did.

My conclusion is that fear brought the iron out of her soul; fear panicked me into reacting, and fear barred the doors to communication with her. However, I can’t let fear – mine or hers – guide or rule my life. I can face me. I can face my inadequacies, my insecurities. I can honestly say I did what I thought was right. I can say that out loud, to her, to myself, to the world. I won’t hide behind my fear.

Fear
Fear ate my lunch
Chomped through my sandwich
Slurped up my soup
Left me hollow and empty
And bellowed for more.
Why came along and offered me courage.
What came along and said, ‘Do this.’
How came along and said, ‘Follow me.’
Filled with steel conviction
I walk through the door.
-Joyce Wycoff of ThinkSmart.com


So there’s all the ugly of the past week or so. Is there good stuff? Oh yes, there’s always good stuff.

Elvis Costello was honored this week. Oh, I love that man.
I saw my Dad yesterday.
I get to see my Mom tomorrow.
I want to know myself. I want others to know the real me.
I had a long, hot, bubble bath with a man last night.
My custard turned out beautifully.
I ordered a memorial stone for Snoopy (1976-1993) today; this has helped me heal some of my grief for that little dog.
I took an extended lunch trip with some of the girls (Gencie, Goodall, Lydie) today and had a grand time at Borders.
My Netflicks came! Including Princess Mononoke and Ringu.
I’m going to have a cosmo night with SilentSignal, soon.
There are some great gals in my life -here, and all over.
I am so, so loved. Especially by me.