Much talk of living lately.
I don’t think I do enough of it.
So I’ve been trying.
Saw The Matrix Reloaded over the weekend, and all I can say is: not going to see it again. As I left the theater, I was anxious to tell anyone and everyone about the 2+ hours of my life I’d never get back, how offensive I found the tone and some scenes in particular, how disappointed I was.
And I still am, but I have to ask myself – isn’t it better to have an experience, even a bad one, than to never try, and spend your life wondering?
I think I’m finally learning the difference between avoiding unpleasantness (a fairly common desire of survivors) and really living So, seeing the movie wasn’t so pleasant, but really, it’s better that I had the experience. The devil you know…an unexamined life… I just can’t hide under the covers, avoiding the scary stuff and missing the growth in it. So, thanks Wachowski brothers. You sucked ass in this one, and apparently you don’t like women so much, which is too bad, but you got me thinking; you got me out of my shell.
It’s all good. And so am I. Two years ago, maybe one year ago, the movie would have destroyed me for a while. Now, I know that while my emotions are so completely valid and normal, they don’t have to rule me, neither do they need to be tamped down. Same goes for everyone else.
Leaving in the morning for Oklahoma City. And I can’t think of two people who have earned a vacation more than D & me. Except maybe Wil Wheaton and Chairman Kaga.
Since I’m spiritually on the plane already, here’s a peek into what I’m wishing for my next few days:
I hope it’s really warm there. I hope I get sunburn. I hope Bricktown 54 is still open. I hope I can truly forget my job for a few days. I hope Kokoro isn’t too traumatized boarding at the vet’s. I hope the limeade tastes as good as I remember. I hope I can enjoy baring my arms. I hope I can let myself pack lightly. I hope the rental car has a good radio. I hope we find charm and love in the places where we left, and can create it in all the new ones.
Monday, we celebrate one year of marriage. One year of commitment One year of naughtiness and ice cream and fights and hugs and searing communication. One year of magic. I couldn’t be more in love.