A Matter of Spirit

haven’t done this in a while:

Currently wearing: black cardigan, tight black short-sleeved shirt, short velvety maroon skirt, black tights, black mary janes, MAC Entice LipGlass&#174.
Currently reading: A Round Heeled Woman by Jane Juska
Currently listening to: An NPR story on moonpies&#174.
Currently fighting addiction to: Vitamin Water&#174, MST3K, children’s books, MAC Entice LipGlass&#174.
Currently grateful for: Darling D, for his sweetness, my willingness to take care of and believe in myself, my legs.

I will not rant. I will think of the good that surrounds me (and there is so much of it), and I will celebrate that. I will heed the quote taped to my monitor:
“You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment.”
-David D. Burns

It was a bit of a tough morning. But it’s now 4:51pm, and I’m delirious with the day’s events. Wooyeah Wooyeah Wooyeah Woo! But more on that later.

I swear that positive thinking can change so much in your life. This morning I was feeling pissy, ugly, marginalized, and hopeless. This afternoon I feel sexy, smart, empowered, and confident. What happened? You mean aside from a brilliant, famous political satirist putting his arm around my waist today and pulling me close to him? Yes, I’m flying high from that, let me tell you – but what really happened to me happened because of me. That I got cozy with Mr. Famous is simply a lovely consequence of my own transformation, not the cause.

I chose, around 10:30 this morning to suck it up and to stop moping because certain cultural norms don’t jibe with my personal truths. To truly believe that the neither culture nor anyone else can rob me of what I know is true about myself. To know in my heart that I can create my own best life with what I have.

So, I started smiling, slathered on the lip gloss, and walked with my head up.

Even the threat of a very real and very painful migraine couldn’t stop me, no ma’am. I took my drug, and more importantly, I stopped reading/writing/worrying and gave myself the time and the will to heal.

My headache is gone.

I control my destiny, my body, my life. Feels SO very good.

This isn’t to say I won’t have another bad moment, another morning of doubt. I will. But I will also look back on this day and remember how powerful I am in my own life. I’ll remember how much control I have. I’ll remember Mr. Famous’ arm around me. And I’ll pull myself up.

I am worth it.